Right to write
What to write? Geriatric stories? I hear them from clients every day. Yeah, what exactly does that look like? A compendium? Vignettes? And from who’s POV? Maybe I could write a checklist story hitting all the notes. I could pretend I’m an observant person with something to say. Sometimes I feel as though I am just that. Most of the time I don’t. And when I ‘say something,’ it falls on deaf ears. I suck. Perseverance – yada yada. Never give up, never give up, never give up. Most everyone who’s reached a platform of success has followed this credo. Absolutely. Platforms do not come free or easy. Hats off to those who knew their calling and pursued it for a lifetime. Still, what they don’t tell you is, there are a mierda-load of others who’ve followed the same credo who have only their inner voice to laud them. Often that’s enough. But sometimes not. Sometimes you want the world to flash a ‘Walk’ sign, instead of a ‘Don’t Walk.’ Everyone looks up from their station. Me included. But mostly I look around. I’m more detail-oriented than most and, at least in my mind, more talented than some. But being in the top 70 or 80 or even 90 percent isn’t enough. You’ve got to be in the top 97 percent. Keep writing, right? Never get discouraged, right? I honest to god am beginning to believe I have nothing to say. Maybe it’s time to take solace in my other ‘jack of all trades’ abilities. I’m a goddamn MacGyver. Maybe that’s enough. Go where your pastures are green. And yet, I so love to write. I’m doing it right now. But 10 hour work days don’t leave a lot of room for creative avenues. And sometimes, I selfishly like to rest my brain and my body. “Hey, if you’d be a writer if you won the lottery, you should be a writer now. Even if it’s just 20 minutes a day.” I know the platitudes. Hell, I espouse them. Maybe I’m not a writer for others…just a writer for myself. And investing a year of full time toil and love and emotion and enthusiasm, with only me as the ultimate audience, while joyful in its own right, may not be the best ‘joyful in its own right’ investment for me. I’m a do-gooder. Maybe that’s enough. Maybe I can quit writing, or at least take a break. And yet, my mind won’t leave me alone. Write god damnit! Say something. Make a great turn of phrase. Even if only for you. So I write my banalities so as not to not write at all.